life is for living

Obsessed

I don't care what the critics say, this is a good movie. The actors were definitely the best part of the movie. Ali Larter did a flawless job throughout the entire film. Idris Elba did a pretty good job with only a few moments of over the top acting. Beyonce shocked me though. She did flawless in Dreamgirls, but this film, without the extra supporting star power that Dreamgirls did, relied heavily on Beyonce as a serious actress that carries a film. Beyonce, like in Dreamgirls, can nail the serious shit down without being over the top or corny. Her only problem I noticed was that she was just uncomfortable in casual scenes where the main focus isn't on her, but the camera still is. This is a little flaw that I KNOW diva will overcome. The writing was a good mix of everything you would expect, solid effort. The only thing that sucked was the majority of the soundtrack and a transition shots that screamed, "someone tried too hard."

I don't care what the majority of the critics say, this is a movie definitely worth seeing if not one to splurge to add to your collection. It's may not be a must own but a must RENT.

I wrote while I was channeling Thinking of You by the glamorous Katy Perry. The emotion of that song spoke volumes to me, and I wanted to make a story behind the song. The narrator is Aiden from the novel I'm working on (from the earlier piece, Sunset). I will probably use this piece but take out the copywritten parts for obvious reasons. This is straight from my mind to paper to here.

Enjoy
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At the time, though now it seems so far away, I knew I had found something that was worth the endeavor; something special. The great tragedy is that you aren’t aware of greatness when you have it. Only when it is lost, and the emotional turmoil sets in, do you realize how special it was.

“You said move on, where do I go? I guess second best is all I will know.”

Right. Right.

I’ll learn to become content with my hunt to find second best. Someone whose glow is almost as bright, almost as enticing, and almost as grounding as yours. I can handle that, I begrudgingly look forward to that quest. Right now, I’m harping on the fact that I am second best.. for now, until I become third rate. I fear that it is a rejecting cycle set in motion by my own apprehension- constantly compared but never measuring up.

&& they say you can’t win them all, but I feel like I lost it all.

These emotions are just too much, and they won't subside. I hate how much you have affected me, but it’s here, a gash in my life. A pretty day is still gloomy because your shadow darkens it. Looking back, I could have tried harder. Would more effort show you that I am here to give this one hell of a try?

This is too much to think about…

I’ll call my second best. I’ll get my quick fix. I play some sad tunes to reflect the brokenness in my own inner-melody. And I wait. Once I hear the too-eager knock, I gladly answer the distraction. As we start to kiss, my mouth goes dry and my mind is flooded with a delirious mix of shame and pain as I brace myself for the regret that is right on this man’s tailwind- my regret. His lips don’t feel like what I’ve learned a kiss should feel like. I’m afraid of what I feel now for it seems that he is in his element. His kiss is a passionate distraction, his lips tell me that he wants all of me. Something you didn’t want, but he is completely happy basking in my defeat. I wonder if he could taste my longing for you because it’s all I taste; the slowness of your kiss. The moment you create, a moment at a slow pace- embracing every synchronized heartbeat.

I CAN’T DO THIS

As if feeling my disdain and need for a reprieve.. “He pulled me in…. and I was disgusted with myself.” The disgust soon dissolves and I grow out of touch with the world around me. I am safe inside my sanctuary of disassociation, my sweet delirium. I am back with you. I am standing hand in hand with you facing the city’s lights, grounded by your presence- scared shitless by what it means but so happy that I’m not facing it alone. You turn to face me and I am overwhelmed with just one look into your deep, beautiful eyes. I see myself reflected in them, and it feels like home to me. I can take my shoes off and relax because there’s no need to run. If I did run, this is where I’d go. I’m not afraid to land anymore..call me tamed.

“You mind if I take a shower?” said a voice unlike the one that was saying sweet nothings in my insanity.

You aren’t here, just your delicious, poisonous memory.

“Sure,” I smile and fake a tender moment. I turn around so my tears won’t reveal me. I can hear him gather his things as I stare out the window. Speeding lights and unaware people parade beneath me. All of their untold stories; stories of heartbreak and those of triumph fester on their faces. I become self absorbed as I wish to take on any of their struggles to get out of facing mine. The tears fall faster and the world outside is blurred by the world inside. So much is going on and all I can do is stand completely still, hope that I will go unnoticed, and play with memories of the past like a new found toy.

“Oh, won’t you bust through the door and take me away….. no more mistakes.”

But you won’t.

I could stare at the door until it eventually opens. Of course, I’d only have a squeaky, clean piece of ass that isn’t you.